


Broken trust

by rahsan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Past Abuse, Possessive Bucky, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-07-13 02:13:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16008149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rahsan/pseuds/rahsan
Summary: Where Bucky breaks up with reader. Reader believes it´s her fault.





	1. Chapter 1

“This is not even remotely funny you ass! We talked about this!” I tried to laugh, but my voice just cracked. I felt like a was hit on the head with Mjolnir. Could it be true? Did he mean it? Was this a bad joke?

“I´m not trying to be funny. I don´t think this´ll work anymore. I want out. I´m really sorry, but I want for something else, someone else. “

My brain short-circuited a few times, I just couldn´t wrap my mind around it. I really thought, we had something good going on. We were both damaged people and this was a good reason for us working so well together – or so I thought.

“You mean it? You wanna break up.. with me?” I asked again. His “Yeah, I´m deeply sorry. You are a great person but it´s not enough and you deserve.. blah blah…” turning into gibberish, my core went numb. Funny, I missed the numb feeling, now I could recall. It was good not to feel anything. Or didn´t I? What was the underlying little voice in my head? Crying, not softly but with vengeance? I pushed it away, welcoming the numbness. Okay, so he WAS leaving me, he WAS not in love with me.. Was he ever? We never said those words, they seemed so intimate, so vulnerable, so without protection. But I thought (again, just my thoughts) he was okay with it. He wanted this. Being casual around each other, being comfortable without analyzing and commenting on everything.. Huh, seemed to be a wrong conclusion on my part. He didn´t love me. He liked me, this I knew.. but maybe not? Maybe I was just someone very convenient for him to be with? To share life, when he was around? To share sex?

My brain did a short circuit – again. Everything seemed foggy, my feelings, my thoughts…

“Sarah?”

I looked up and met with cerulean orbs. He looked disturbed. Why?

“Sarah, can you hear me?” 

“Yes”, I nodded. Was he gonna stand there and pity me? I must seem like a child to him I thought. 

“Sarah, I´m so sorry..” he began, but I interrupted him: “Okay, I get it. If this is what you want…. I´ll accept it.” My voice broke. 

With these words I tried to leave his apartment and turned to the door. The feeling of a cold hand on my wrist surprised me. “What?” I looked at him perplexed. 

“You look pale, Sarah. I didn´t want to hurt you..”. 

“Please let go of my wrist.” Annoyed I yanked at my arm and was relieved when he let go. He was just looking at me, eyes soft and pleading. But there was something else. Like yearning. Like he was heartbroken himself. But why? Must be wrong..

 

Again, I turned to the door and this time he didn´t stop me. I left. His apartment, the compound, his life. And therefore, my life as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Plot. Just read.

Things worked out pretty well. I was new at my job, a coffee shop down the street where I lived in a shabby apartment with a sweet old lady as my landlady. The owner of the shop was really nice, an older Italian with his still beautiful wife who was very motherly to me. His sophomore son, who had a crush on me, I could tell. They liked me well enough, were sweet and not intrusive.

The landlady helped me quite a bit when I had problems with the plumbing and my neighbor, who was sometimes really rude.

All in all, not so bad. 

So why was I still numb? 

Life went on, I didn´t think about HIM anymore.. well, not so often at least. It had been 3 weeks. Anyway, I was sure, he found someone already to replace me, someone else, someone better. 

He should, I thought oftentimes. I was not the best option, I knew that. Damaged, defective, broken. That may have sounded a little dramatic, but I couldn´t find any other words to describe myself more accurately. I was easy enough to look at. I was lean, my legs shapely, my tits okay, my face maybe cute, although everyone said, I was really pretty. What did they know? To look good didn´t change how ugly I was on the inside. 

Emotionally my inside was like an empty, dark, cold, landscape. No colours, just everything black and gray. I was empty myself, couldn’t oftentimes feel or react properly. So, I was functioning, but living? That was a whole different story.

With him, it seemed easier. He liked my smile (or so he said), he liked to touch me (or so he said), he held me, when I was occasionally crying and didn´t mind my weakness (or so he said), he thought I was beautiful (at least, that´s what he said). Must have been white lies. Whatever.

I just sat on my couch, ready to relax after a stressful day at work, when my phone rang. 

“Yes?” 

“Hey Sarah, whatcha doing?” 

“Sophie? Hey, long time no hear, I´m good” I smiled involuntarily. Sophie was a good friend since childhood and she called occasionally to check on me. I was not big on calling, so she was the one who picked up the phone. She complained about it but after knowing me for over 20 years, she just got used to me and my quirks, I guessed. 

“No, really, how are you?” she asked, suddenly becoming serious. “Your old called me and told me about you and B…”. 

“Don´t!” My eyes were wet. All of a sudden. What was that about? 

“Sarah, talk to me” I heard Sophies pleading voice. She was obviously concerned. I huffed nervously. She was concerned? Why? Did she really think, I was worth being concerned about? I was just Sarah. Not worthy of a lot.. I laughed at that thought. Okay, so I was a little worthy. I had a job, someplace to live, a fridge with food in it. So, was there more? 

Why couldn’t I remember? There was more to life, wasn´t it? Something more… lively? Oh, yes. Love. Friendship. Hobbies. Pets. Feelings…. feelings… There was something to it. 

I remembered. Feeling in the extreme. Feeling lightheaded, because someone (B..) liked my dress. Laughing, because someone (Bu..) praised me for my knowledge of three languages. Snorting, because someone (Buc..) told a bad joke… there was something. But not for me. Never for me. Were those white lies too? Feelings… white lies… 

Whatever.

“I´m really good at my new job” I was met with silence. “They are good people and they accept me”. Still nothing. 

Then: “You are good people too Sarah. You deserve more…” White lies. Even from Sophie. Why even? Of course, from Sophie, she was one of the persons who never let you go. Who never believed you were worth nothing. She was dumb. Stupid. She couldn´t see things, how they really were. 

Wait a minute. Did she say, my old boxx called her? My ex-boss?? I couldn´t feel my feet, felt like floating. He was bad. Bad news. If he called Sophie, he would know about me and that was bad. Really bad. 

“When did you talk to him?” I tore through her babbling. Again, there was a bit of silence. 

“He called me”, came the reluctant answer. “I realize you don´t like him but he was just so concerned.” 

“Not like him? Sophie, you don´t know who he is! Did you tell him anything about me? Did you tell him where I live?” 

“No! I would never do that” Sophie sounded very sorry. “I know, you two had issues, but maybe you should talk… He did a lot for you and you were so grateful..”

Yeah, Sophie was right. In the beginning, my ex-boss was saying all the right things, doing all the right things, until he had my trust. I just shouldn´t have trusted him..

“Sarah, you still there?” 

“Mhm, gotta go though.” I hung up. I knew, Sophie would be pissed and hurt, but I couldn´t care less. I had a lot to think about.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV Bucky

It had been quite a fight. Bucky was tired to his bones, exhausted beyond belief. And still, so very relieved. Danger eliminated, Sarah was no longer in a perilous situation. He could talk to her, explain to her, that the breakup was just a scam to protect her. 

The villain they had just defeated had threatenend the Avengers and worse, their beloved ones. Hawkeyes family moved to the compoud after very nearly dying in a fire that mysteriously broke out in their homes when they were sleeping. 

Bucky had been terrified to lose her. She was precious to him. His heart started pounding when he thought of her in danger. Never could he bear to lose her, never would he let anything happen to her. She was so delicate, so vulnerable, yet still trying to be so strong. She would never have left him, if he talked to her to stay away for a few months. Would have told him to shove it and stayed stubbornly with him. He couldn’t take that chance. Not, when there was a real threat out there. 

So he deceived her. Told her, that she was not what he wanted. 

Her eyes though… they first widened in disbelief.. and then, fell flat. Like a dead persons, without any life. He was devastated to see her like that and told himself over and over to stay strong. She would understand. She just had to. Right? She was his.. he wouldn’t give her up. She would understand. And come back willingly into his arms again, to be cuddled, cosseted, pampered. 

He loved to pamper her, although she had a hard time accepting it. Way too reticent, way too shy, she was always surprised when he made her compliments, got even uncomfortable. He wouldn’t let himself be deterred, tell her, that she was beautiful and too good for him. She just laughed, as if he made the best joke ever. 

He loved her. Longed to say it to her. I love you. But the words wouldn’t come. He was afraid to drive her away. She was always so skittish. Overly shy. He couldn’t get get to the bottom of what was bothering her, she just wouldn’t tell him. So he was very soft with her. Barely there touches, soft, light kisses. So what, if he wanted to grab her, throw her on the bed and fuck her into oblivion. To give it to her so hard, she would know who she belonged to. To make her his in every way. He would behave, would just touch her lightly in order not to spook her. 

He knew, he was overly protective. Couldn’t stand watching other men talking to her, touching her in any way, even if it was a handshake. He would positively start to growl and shoot the guys muderous glances. That did the trick, they would turn around and leave her alone. She was his. Even if he couldn’ t say it, it was clear to him, that he would never allow anyone else with her. He would kill anyone who came near her. Unbelievably she didn’t know the attention she aroused. She would just smile at him, take his hand and give him a kiss on his cheek. Those shining orbs… the warmth she created, just for him. He would never give that up. 

It was time they had a long talk.


End file.
